While growing up, I found out that I was a different child. It was hard for my family to connect with me. They liked to talk, I was very private. They loved entertaining guests, I hated people. My dad loved sports, I loathed it. My siblings loved playing outside, I preferred reading. My mom loved colors, I always preferred black. I was a lot of times a bit distant from my family. I felt like a guest in my own home.
I connected to some parts of them. I could never fully connect with all of them but I kept a tight hold of what I could manage. I loved my mother’s love and understanding. I admired my father’s kindness and tolerance. I enjoyed my siblings’ playfulness and annoyance.
When I left home for university, things got a little bit more complicated. In university, the people are more diverse and it’s a whole different world. I made friends. Well, new groups of friends. I was part of five different groups. One group for studying, one for partying, one for going out for food and movies, one to hang out with in uni, and one to have long conversations with. I couldn’t connect enough to any one group of people, so I surrounded myself with a lot of people with whom I share different things. A lot of times they will start having their own conversations and I will be left out. This happened a lot of times and is still happening. I always feel left out no matter how much i try. I try really hard. I really do. I try to connect as much as i can but it’s never enough. But I guess, that’s just the life of a misfit.
Someday I might figure things out and I’ll definitely share it with you, but today is not that day.